Absolution

You come cold over time,
you
the truth that dawns with distance,
dark over light,
heavy over the grace of memories made right
by what we choose to remember
and how

harsh
bitter pill of perspective
piercing the cozy reverie
of a past never lived
but chosen to be believed.

Selective memory,
that incandescent invention of remorse,
disintegrates in your presence.

It was so much kinder than this
that comes so cold with age,
this penetrating clarity
that weighs in with maturity
and, oh, the revelations
that come so heavy and so dark.

You whose love I abused,
whose attention I took for granted,
whose gifts I measured and gave back,
the trouble you took that I discarded and disavowed as thoughtless
when no one could have been more thoughtful
nor anyone have loved me more.

I lived to feel the love I craved
loved love for love itself,
loved loving,
loved you loving me,
loved without knowing you or love at all.
I myself was never there.
How could I have known who you were?

Oh you come cold with the years
but welcome at last,
Truth,
who I may now call Friend,
let me acknowledge what I did for what it was
and be absolved of it.

And oh you
Spirits of the Beloved Dead and Love of the Still Living,
forgive me.
Let us cherish what love we knew
while we are still able to remember it.